If you register at the bottom of this post you’ll be sent a link to download a pdf of the Relationship Triangle. This is to accompany the video called Facilitation here:

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This is the most watched video on the site with over 1,250 views, so you may find it useful.

All social encounters have a set of rules, many of them hidden! Each one of us is comfortable in some of the 4 relationship levels, less comfortable in others.

Most common are those who choose to stick in the Professional level. Here the exchanges are very transactional, short, matter-of-fact answers are typical. You need to create permission and ‘games’ that allow/encourage people stuck in Professional to step into the Public and Personal levels.

Quite rare, but occasionally met, are those who go straight for the Private Level. They will occur in your encounters as ‘boundary busters’ and can be a great asset to a group or a project – but can also be very unsettling, even scary for the people around them! Sometimes a sudden disclosure at the Private level will move a session on rapidly, although at other times it will shock and ‘freeze’ the participants. You need to practice managing both circumstances.

Fabulous examples of boundary busting are to be found among stand-up comedians, who oscillate between the Personal & Private domains: which of us would feel safe standing alongside them onstage as they do their act?

If you work with people and must seek insight, it will be wise to practice moving between the four levels yourself – and noticing how you accomplish such moves – and gathering a set of tools or techniques to help others change levels too. I am indebted to my friend and colleague Mac Andrews for his brilliance in distinguishing this most useful of models. It makes sense to people both intuitively and practically.